The list for June 26, 2013
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
A divided U.S. Supreme Court ruled this morning
that the Defense of Marriage Act, the 1996 law
signed by Bill Clinton that barred the federal
government from recognizing same-sex marriages
legalized by the states, is unconstitutional.
that the Defense of Marriage Act, the 1996 law
signed by Bill Clinton that barred the federal
government from recognizing same-sex marriages
legalized by the states, is unconstitutional.
The Top 16 Ways the Supreme Court’s
Decision Will Affect Us
Decision Will Affect Us
- The moat around my hetero marriage will now need a drawbridge, alligators, and guard towers with taunting Frenchmen to stave off the invading hordes of Visigays.
- Straight guys angry that they’re *still* not allowed to marry lesbians.
- Same as with every other major Supreme Court decision: enlightened and respectful discussions on Facebook.
- Glenn Beck starts crying. Oh, wait…
- With a large segment of the population now armed with the same depth of marital "bliss" as the rest of us, a nationwide Xanax and Prozac shortage ensues.
- No effect whatsoever (Deep South only)
- Membership in the American Golddiggers Association doubles in the first 24 hours.
- Hotel "Bridal Suites" now generically renamed the "Consummation Quarters."
- All major TV networks scramble to buy the rights to "Divorce Court."
- Someday an openly gay president can cheat on the First Husband with a male intern, all the while passing a different rights-trampling law — now *that’s* equality, my friend!
- Jodie Foster finally says… nope, still nothing.
- Angry white people on FOX News now 3% angrier.
- In the short run, not much, but all bets are off in 2021 for President Patrick-Harris’s inauguration party.
- New house bathroom options now will include Jack/Jack and Jill/Jill sinks.
- Revolving corpse turns Jerry Falwell’s casket into a source of renewable energy.
And the Number 1 Way the Supreme Court’s Decision Affects Us…
- Mickey Rooney refuses to get married for the ninth time, now that this decision has rendered the institution meaningless.
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CREDITS
Selected from 80 submissions from 32 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX — 1 (34th #1)
- Jeff Johnson, Los Altos, CA — 2
- Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA — 3
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — 4
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ — 5
- Daina Schatz, New York, NY — 6
- Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA — 7, 12
- David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA — 8, 10
- Michael Whitmire, Houston, TX — 9
- Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA — 11
- Jim G. Phynn, Horsham, PA — 13
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 14, 15
- Roy Skogstrom, Pepeekeo, HI — 16
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT — Banner Tag
- Chris White, Olympia, WA — List owner/editor
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