Things Overheard During the Trucker Protest

The list for October 11, 2013

Because I’m worth it.

NOTE FROM CHRIS:

A group of politically oriented long-haul truckers
planned to utilize their 18-wheelers to swarm
the U.S. capital during a protest all weekend,
completely shutting down the already-clogged Beltway.
The “Ride for the Constitution” gang has a mission:
“To give our domestic enemies such as Barack Obama,
John Kerry, Lindsay Graham and John McCain, etc.
time to comply with the demands of the American people.”

Some last minute reports say the whole thing was a hoax,
others say it definitely was NOT a hoax, and still
others say a few dozen truckers actually showed up.

For the sake of comedy, we’re going to say it was real…

The Top 16 Things Overheard
During the Trucker Protest

16. "What do you mean, ‘The government’s shut down, so there’s nothing to disrupt?’"
    

15. "I find it hard to believe I’m the ONLY one who brought a load of Coors."
    

14. "Congress just sits on their fat asses and stares out the window all day, unlike us hard-working truck drivers!"
    

13. "There were no hookers whatsoever at the rest stop; all the whores are on Capitol Hill."
    

12. "Excuse me, how do I get to that big thing that looks like a penis?" "No, not John Kerry! It’s supposed to be a memorial of some kind."
    

11. "Standing up for the Constitution? I thought we were protesting the name ‘Redskins.’"
    

10. "Look, Honey! All these truckers are doing a performance art homage to government gridlock! I never had them pegged as the arty types… Bravo, Messieurs, Bravo!"
    

9. "Inner Loop, Outer Loop… this place can’t get any loopier."
   

8. "He offered free Flying J coffee for life and nationwide immunity from prosecution for soliciting hookers. Say what you will, but that President Obama is one savvy negotiator!"
   

7. "Thanks, I kept it after kicking Ashton Kutcher’s ass for wearing it."
   

6. "No one —- and I mean NO ONE —- has the right to question the legitimacy of the love between a man and his chimpanzee!"
   

5. "Wait, how is stopping traffic a protest? Isn’t that what we do for a living?"
   

4. "I think that guy whose horn plays Liberace might be a spy."
   

3. "Obama’s a terrorist! McCain’s a terrorist! And if you don’t meet this list of demands, you can deal with my raging mob of gun-toting buddies!"
   

2. "I don"t know about you, but I want more money going toward hemorrhoid cream research."

And the Number 1 Thing Overheard During the Trucker Protest…

1. "… and keep your tyrannical government hands off our federally-funded interstates!"

.

CREDITS

Selected from 74 submissions from 28 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

• David Kass, Queens, NY — 1 (75th #1)
• Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — 2
• Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 3
• Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY — 4
• Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX — 5
• Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA — 6
• Doug Finney, Houston, TX — 7, 15
• Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — 8, 10
• Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC — 9
• Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA — 11
• Mark Zinck, Grand Rapids, MI — 12, 16
• Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA — 13, 16
• Kim Moser, New York, NY — 14
• Donald Junter, New Haven, CT — Banner Tag
• Chris White, Olympia, WA — List owner/editor

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