Things Overheard at an Insect Memorial Service

The list for July 12, 2013

NOTE FROM CHRIS:

A memorial service was held recently for
Oregon bees slain in a Target parking lot.

The Top 17 Things Overheard
at an Insect Memorial Service

"Her husbands treated her like a queen. All 10,000 of them."
"Those last few minutes were rough, but he had some great hours."
"As soon as it’s over I’m going to put a feeler out to his widow, heh heh."
"He always wanted to leave his mark on the world —- which he did, on that windshield."
"I swear to you all that he will not have died in vain. I am going to find that magnifying-glass-wielding kid if it’s the last thing I do!"
"Crocs… why’d it have to be Crocs?"
"It was his time to go. He had heart trouble, wing trouble, and over 300 of his eyes were failing."
"I know this may be an awkward time, but did he ever mention anything about *where* he found that pollen?"
"And while newspapers are rapidly disappearing from American life, they did not disappear rapidly enough to save our Bugsy."
"I heard it was a week before they found him on the window sill."
"Just look at Mrs. Mantis over there in her black dress and her post-coital, full-belly smugness."
"The Beatles, The Crickets, Sting, WASP, The Buggles, A Taste of Honey… this is the coolest funeral music EVER!"
"Well, what did you *expect* to inherit in his will? He was a dung beetle."
"For God’s sake, you’d think the family would’ve insisted on a closed casket service for a windshield splatter."
"He died doing what he loved: eating poo."
"He was caught in a web of lies. And silk —- mostly silk."

And the Number 1 Thing Overheard at an Insect Memorial Service…

"No offense to the departed, but taking up fly fishing was a really stupid idea."

CREDITS

Selected from 89 submissions from 31 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

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