The list for March 26, 2020
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
Everyone keeping their distance?
Practicing safe, sanitary habits?
Practicing safe, sanitary habits?
It’s not easy hooking up in this strange new world,
but where there’s a libido, there’s a way.
The Top 17 Social Distancing Pickup Lines
- Is that a roll of TP in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
- Looks to me like you’re a symptomatic transmitter of the hotness virus.
- N95 masks and chill?
- Your eyes are like pools of moonlight, and the mystery of what’s under that HAZMAT suit is driving me wild!
- I’m totally safe! I’ve actually been in isolation since 2016. Is the reality show guy still president?
- You take what’s left of my breath away.
- Baby, your mask is saying "Stand 10 feet away," but your eyes are saying "Stand 6 feet away."
- Much like our healthcare system, I promise to disappoint you repeatedly.
- You might be infected, but just like my respiratory cells’ angiotensin-converting enzyme 2, I can’t resist you!
- No, I’m pretty sure it said, "shelter on my face."
- If I said you had a beautiful body would you keep it six fuckin’ feet away from me, for Christ’s sake?!
- Are those real? Because I’d be pretty excited if your bra is stuffed with toilet paper.
- I wouldn’t date you if you were the last person on Earth. However, I reserve the right to revisit that decision in a few weeks if necessary.
- What’s a nice guy like you doing in a non-essential business like this? No, really, we’re closed! Go home right now, you moron!
- Baby, you make me want to spray droplets all night.
- Are you a highly-trafficked area? Because I’ve been wiping down your surfaces in my head all night.
And the Number 1 Social Distancing Pickup Line…
- [picks up megaphone] EXCUSE ME, SEXY LADY HALFWAY DOWN THE BLOCK… CAN I GRUBHUB YOU A DRINK?
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CREDITS
Selected from 140 submissions from 48 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — 1 (113th #1)
- Slick Sharkey, Clayton, GA — 2, 7
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 3, 13
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA — 4
- Andrea Kelly, Brookeville, MD — 4
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 5, 7
- Jim Woodruff, Hoover, AL — 6, 17
- Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA — 6
- Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX — 7
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 7
- Greg Preece, Toronto, Canada — 7
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY — 7
- Jim G. Phynn, Horsham, PA — 7
- Whit Watson, Winter Park, FL — 8
- Mark Schmidt, Paris, France — 9
- Brandon Eldridge, St. Louis, MO — 10
- Michael Whitmire, Houston, TX — 11
- Geoff Brown, Cleveland, OH — 12, 17
- Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA — 14
- Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA — 14
- Jeffrey Anbinder, Brooklyn, NY — 15
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 16
- Chris White, Olympia, WA — List moderator, Banner Tag
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