The list for June 29, 1994
The Top 15 Signs You’ve Hired the
Wrong Guy to Remodel Your House
Wrong Guy to Remodel Your House
- Suspicious increase in number of 1-900-DRILLBIT calls charged to your line.
- Uses “The Clapper” to turn power saw on and off.
- Paints the living room with 15,000 bottles of White-Out.
- Shows up with nothing but a strategically placed power drill and a butt crack the size of the Grand Canyon.
- Flaming pentangle and mutilated goats in your basement.
- Comes to work with a Bob Vila lunchbox, complete with crazy straw for the thermos.
- Left hand: sledgehammer. Right hand: Colt 45 Malt Liquor.
- On the day the insulation is to be put down, shows up wearing Pink Panther costume.
- Mike Wallace from “60 Minutes” drops by with camera crew.
- While painting: “One for the wall, one for me, one for the wall, …”
- Keeps asking you to “adjust my tool, if y’know what I mean.”
- His see-through teddy shows that he’s confused Victorian Style with Victoria’s Secret.
- Insists on spackling with his genitalia instead of with a trowel.
- Runs out of shingles and starts using baloney slices.
And the Number 1 Sign You’ve Hired the Wrong Guy to Remodel Your House…
- Spends hours in your bathroom, flushing the toilet and saying, “Well I’ll be goldarned!”
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CREDITS
Selected from 154 contributions from 47 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA – 1
- Brian Schroer, University City, MO – 2, 13 (Rookie!)
- Michele Beltran, Lansing, MI – 3, 15 (Rookie!)
- Don Horton, Sacramento, CA – 4
- Roger P. Ciotti, Kenosha, WI – 5
- Randy Wohl, Israel – 6 (Rookie!)
- Ken Woo, San Diego, CA – 7
- Burt Paulson, Marysville, WA – 7 (Rookie!)
- Alan Wagner, Bayside, WI – 8 (Rookie!)
- Sean Erwin, San Diego, CA – 9
- Patrick Kachurek, Ann Arbor, MI – 10
- Aaron Milenski, Oberlin, MD – 11, 12
- Ken Wilson, Kansas City, MO – 12
- Chris Willis, Boston, MA – 12
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD – 12
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC – 12
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA – 14
- Chris White, San Diego, CA – Topic
- LeMel Hebert-Williams, Alameda, CA – Picture on milk carton
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