Signs You’re Bad at Twerking

The list for August 28, 2013
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
At MTV’s Video Music Awards on Sunday night,
Miley Cyrus brought the concept of twerking
into living rooms the world over. What is it?
According to UrbanDictionary.com, “twerk” means:
“The rhythmic gyrating of the lower fleshy
extremities in a lascivious manner with the
intent to elicit sexual arousal or
laughter in ones intended audience.”
The Top 16 Signs You’re Bad at Twerking

  1. Your cellulite stops moving 13 seconds after your hips do.

  2. Your ass makes a "beep beep beep" sound as you back into your partner.

  3. SyFy declined your audition to star in "Twerknado."

  4. When *you* tried it near Robin Thicke, he beat the crap out of you.

  5. Your dad is applauding and whistling.

  6. The National Hurricane Center has issued a Category 4 warning for the air flow around your ass.

  7. Your amendment is once again denied by the other members of the Senate.

  8. Priests keeps spritzing you with holy water and screaming in Latin.

  9. Last I checked, twerking did NOT involve a blue flame.

  10. You show up in a YouTube video titled "People at WalMart Having Seizures."

  11. The one time you tried, Jerry Lewis hugged you and invited you on his telethon.

  12. The first time you tried it, the neighbor’s dog took advantage of you.

  13. "Gov. Christie, maybe a playground dedication isn’t quite the place for that."

  14. They’re not comparing you with Young Skinny Elvis, or even with Fat Vegas Elvis; they’re comparing you with Dead Elvis.

  15. One of your ovaries just "crowned."
And the Number 1 Sign You’re Bad at Twerking…

  1. "That’s very impressive, sir, but if you keep moving like that, I won’t be able to complete your prostate exam."
.
CREDITS
Selected from 82 submissions from 30 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA — 1, 8 (28th #1)
  • Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — 2
  • Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC — 3, 6
  • Richard Skora, Columbus, OH — 4
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 5, 13
  • Judith Cottrill, Bronx, NY — 7
  • Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY — 9
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 10
  • Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA — 11
  • John English, Orem, UT — 12
  • Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA — 14
  • Shaune R. Stark, Cedar Park, TX — 15
  • Jeremy Shelley, Possum Trot, KY — 16
  • Donald Junter, New Haven, CT — Banner Tag
  • Chris White, Olympia, WA — List owner/editor
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