The list for June 24, 1996
The Top 19 Signs Your Psychic Is a Phony
- Keeps shaking black “crystal ball,” then saying, “Ask again later.”
- Tells you you’re going to die but doesn’t exactly know when or how.
- Every time you draw the Death card, she yells “Go Fish!”
- Looks suspiciously like that guy who fixed your muffler last week.
- Brunswick insignia on “crystal ball.”
- His idea of an “out of body experience” involves whipped cream and women’s clothing.
- Instead of a Oujia board, has a Wedgie board.
- During seance, shouts in voice of Wolfman Jack, “Milli Vanilli will be back!”
- His spoon bending requires two pliers.
- Sign in window: “As Seen on ’60 Minutes.'”
- During card-reading, asks if you want to “hit” or “stand.”
- Insists that your astrological sign is “The Armadillo.”
- Psychics Magazine rates her just below fortune cookies, just above your mom.
- Repeatedly attempts to read your palm with his genitalia.
- Shakes her crystal ball, then predicts a large snowstorm.
- Easily fooled by ‘Can of Snakes’ gag.
- Sonics in 4.
- “Ethereal Aroma of the Kindred Spirits” effect during seance only occurs after a chili-dog lunch.
And the Number 1 Sign Your Psychic Is a Phony…
- Just keeps saying in his Mr. T voice, “My prediction: Pain!”
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CREDITS
Selected from 141 submissions by 42 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Chris McKenna, Malibu, CA — 1
- Joel McClure, Sterling Heights, MI — 2, 19
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 3, 5, 9
- Gene/Cynthia Markins-Dieden, New Haven, CT — 3
- Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA — 4, 11
- Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA — 5
- Meredith Ogden, Ithaca, NY — 6
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA — 7, 19
- David Hyatt, New York, NY — 8
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — 10
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 12
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 12
- Lee Oeth, San Diego, CA — 13, 19
- Jesse Guidry, New Orleans, LA — 14
- Sam Maranto, Baltimore, MD — 15
- Steve Maybo, Carlsbad, CA — 15
- Patrick New, Chicago, IL — 15
- Michele Beltran, Lansing, MI — 15, 17
- Randy Wohl, Ma’ale Adumim, Israel — 16
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 18
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 19
- Jim Louderback, New York, NY — 19
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 19
- Duncan Carling, San Francisco, CA — Topic
- Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/editor
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