The list for July 3, 2013
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
There will be no list tomorrow, due to the
Independence Day holiday here in the U.S. of A.
Independence Day holiday here in the U.S. of A.
George Zimmerman is on trial in Florida for
allegedly murdering Trayvon Martin, but his
defense attorney kicked the proceedings off
by telling the jury a knock knock joke, at
which nobody in the courtroom laughed. Uh oh.
The Top 17 Signs Your Murder
Trial Is Not Going Well
Trial Is Not Going Well
- Your lawyer opens with, "Seriously now, who among us has never killed somebody in cold blood?"
- "I’d like to begin my closing statements —- using interpretive dance."
- The public defender suggests you try pleading "slightly guilty."
- You notice that those $100 bills your attorney is using to bribing the judge are the ones you made.
- Your attorney is always careful to use the word "allegedly" when referring to the charges against you, but has the disconcerting habit of miming air quotes at the same time.
- Contempt is a thing of the past —- lately your attorney has been held in scorn, derision and outright mockery.
- Every time your attorney raises an objection, the judge replies "Eat me, Spanky!"
- Courtroom sketch artist draws horns on your head.
- Defense opening argument: "You will see plenty of DNA evidence and credible eyewitnesses implicating my client, but keep in mind that the last person who disappointed my client ended up dying in the street in a pool of her own blo
- There’s no spittle flying from Nancy Grace’s mouth.
- A man from the Dept. of Prisons asks you to look over a book of noose swatches.
- Your attorney’s big opener: "In some societies, murder is considered a delicacy."
- On the final day of the trial, the bailiff shows up shirtless and wearing a black hood.
- Your defense team keeps quoting legal precedence from the case of "Spider-Man vs. The Green Goblin."
- The glove fit. And your alibi didn’t.
- The judge finds your lawyer in contempt after he actually threw a badger at the witness.
And the Number 1 Sign Your Murder Trial Is Not Going Well…
- "Mr. Cash, please tell the jury why you shot that man in Reno."
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CREDITS
Selected from 91 submissions from 33 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA — 1 (27th #1)
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA — 2
- Jay Shuck, Minneapolis, MN — 3
- Stephanie Landes, Findlay, OH — 4
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 5, 12
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY — 6, 16
- Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA — 7
- Art Kinderbuch, Alexandria, VA — 8
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — 9, 11
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 10
- Jeff Johnson, Los Altos, CA — 13
- David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA — 13
- Elliott Schiff, Allentown, PA — 14
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX — 15
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 17
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT — Banner Tag
- Chris White, Olympia, WA — List owner/editor
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