The list for August 19, 2013
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
Major League Baseball recently suspended
a dozen players who had been found to use
PEDs — performance enhancing drugs.
a dozen players who had been found to use
PEDs — performance enhancing drugs.
“But Chris, how can I tell if people at my
place of employment are using such substances?”
Glad you asked…
The Top 15 Signs Your Co-Worker
Uses Performance Enhancing Drugs
Uses Performance Enhancing Drugs
- "No Starbucks for me, thanks —- that shit just slows me down."
- During third hour she read the class the entire works of Shakespeare.
- Actually stays awake and attentive during the boss’s PowerPoint presentation.
- Conducts her interviews with NFL players DURING plays.
- While your Top Five lists have exactly five items, Chris’ have FIFTEEN OR MORE!
- Her new signature move keeps bending the stripper pole.
- He inflates the customers’ tires by mouth.
- Butt-copies at the office party are covered with needle marks.
- His money shot shattered the camera lens from 30 feet away.
- Instead of faxing, he decides to save time and just "run the document upstate" himself.
- He emptied a truckload of refrigerators before you could fire up the forklift.
- Contribution to office bake sale is a 10-layer wedding cake made in the conference room during her break.
- That new doc performed enough circumcisions in two hours to construct an entire new penis.
- Before: could drive a golf ball 300 yards. Now: can drive a golf ball 300 miles.
And the Number 1 Sign Your Co-Worker Uses Performance Enhancing Drugs…
- Every time the boss gives him a more work he shouts, "Is that all you got?!?"
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CREDITS
Selected from 70 submissions from 25 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 1 (58th #1)
- Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — 2, 3
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 4
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 5, 11
- Pam Wylder, Chicago, IL — 5, 14
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA — 6, 10
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — 7
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 8
- Roy Skogstrom, Pepeekeo, HI — 9
- Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA — 12
- Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY — 13
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ — 15
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT — Banner Tag
- Chris White, Olympia, WA — List owner/editor
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