Signs Your Appliances Are Haunted

The list for June 14, 2013
The Top 16 Signs Your Appliances Are Haunted

  1. The washing machine is actually ADDING blood stains to your clothing.

  2. The VCR clock is stuck on 6:66 p.m.

  3. Your microwave announces your food is ready by speaking Latin backwards.

  4. The dishwasher cleans the plates without you having to wipe them. Or even load them.

  5. You’re pretty sure your Fleshlight just asked you for a post-coital cigarette.

  6. The NSA flat-out refuses to listen in on your phone calls.

  7. The bathroom scale commented that it might be time for some TLC on that bikini area.

  8. Your porn DVDs are all covered with a mysterious ectoplasm. That’s your story and you’re sticking to it.

  9. Your nose-hair trimmer is very effective, but that’s because it shoots a hellfire flame into your nostril.

  10. All the forks come out of the dishwasher with bent tines flipping you the bird.

  11. Lint-trap fuzz forms into a surprisingly detailed portrait of Vincent Price.

  12. Your Roomba glides around your living room —- four feet above the ground.

  13. Your blender turns every fruit smoothie into pea soup.

  14. There’s a thunderstorm around your humidifier.

  15. The riding mower inexplicably doubles in speed when a pet is in the yard.
And the Number 1 Signs Your Appliance Is Haunted…

  1. When you turned on your TV last night, Honey BooBoo’s hand came out and grabbed your nachos.
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CREDITS
Selected from 79 submissions from 27 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — 1 (24th #1)
  • Jeremy Shelley, Possum Trot, KY — 2, 14
  • Roy Skogstrom, Pepeekeo, HI — 3
  • Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — 4
  • Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX — 5, 15
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 6
  • Nathan C. Sherman, Bellevue, WA — 7, 15
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 8
  • Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA — 9
  • Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID — 10
  • Elliott Schiff, Allentown, PA — 11
  • Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA — 12
  • Steve Huntington, San Jose, CA — 13
  • Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 15
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ — 16
  • Donald Junter, New Haven, CT — Banner Tag
  • Chris White, Olympia, WA — List owner/editor
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