Signs You Are Truly Addicted

The list for September 27, 2013

The Top 17 Signs You Are Truly Addicted

"Hi. My name’s Bob, and I’m addicted to meetings."
First thing you do every morning is check for the latest Grumpy Cat.
"C’mon, honey, it’s not an affair —- I was just having a little glory-hole fun."
You’ve sublet your apartment and live on the sidewalk just so you can always be first in line for a cronut.
You simply can’t understand why Starbucks doesn’t have a Vodka Macchiato.
You’ve started making wine at home… in your toilet.
Even though there’s clearly no money, babes, or even a modicum of thanks in it, you have been managing an online humor list for years.
You’ve been memorialized at your local McDonald’s with a sign reading "Billions and billions served… to Steve!"
You’re face-painting for ESPN curling.
Unlike all those losers wasting their time on Candy Crush, you f%$king OWN FarmVille.
You catch yourself texting while getting a ticket for texting while driving.
300-megabit ISP connection, 45-inch plasma active matrix computer monitor, 3.5GHz Quad-core processor, all in a 315-square-foot apartment you’ve christened "The Porn Palace."
Amarillo Sucker is not the poker name you would have chosen for yourself.
Your breakfast: Two bowls of Frosted Flakes swimming in bourbon and sprinkled with pot. They’re GRRRRREEEAAAAATTTTTTT!
You feel the irresistible urge to tweet about the lack of response to your previous six tweets.
Cause of death: Pringles, stacked in the trachea just like they were in the can.

And the Number 1 Sign You Are Truly Addicted…

The local zoning board voted to re-district your property into its own township of "Catsylvania."

CREDITS

Selected from 76 submissions from 27 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

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