The list for June 10, 2013
The Top 16 Signs the Government
Is Spying on You
Is Spying on You
- You notice a submarine periscope circling your hot tub.
- New line item on your phone bill: "Government mandated surveillance surcharge: $9.16"
- The IRS sends you an amended 2009 tax return, adjusted for that night you cleaned up on Poker Night, along with a bill for $17,500 in penalties and interest.
- You spot a wire in the plumber’s butt crack.
- Eric Holder personally "likes" every one of your Facebook updates.
- The pool boy keeps asking how your wife is doing, and you don’t even have a wife. Or a pool, for that matter.
- Every day at [REDACTED] you get a [REDACTED] in the [REDACTED].
- Kathleen Sebelius sends you a sympathy card two days before your doctor gives you the bad news.
- It was odd that Obamacare required you get a colonoscopy, but even odder that they left the camera in.
- Whenever you delete your browser history, someone yells "HEY!"
- A creepy guy in a trenchcoat follows you around, yet never shows you his junk.
- The TiVo is recording YOU.
- During sex, your wife suddenly says, "Please to speak into vagina more loudly."
- Based on the number of vans parked out front, your neighbor across the street scheduled appointments for utility work, cable service, pest control, floral delivery, tree trimming and mobile dog grooming today.
- The Surgeon General name-checks you in a speech about STD prevention.
And the Number 1 Sign the Government Is Spying on You…
- Your baby keeps pooping tiny microphones.
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CREDITS
Selected from 74 submissions from 26 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA — 1, 4 (15th #1)
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 2
- Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA — 3
- Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA — 5
- Roy Skogstrom, Pepeekeo, HI — 6
- Jay Shuck, Minneapolis, MN — 7
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 8
- Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA — 9
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 10
- Elliott Schiff, Allentown, PA — 10
- Jeremy Shelley, Possum Trot, KY — 11
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ — 12
- Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 13
- Nathan C. Sherman, Bellevue, WA — 14
- David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA — 15
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 16
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT — Banner Tag
- Chris White, Olympia, WA — List owner/editor
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