The list for June 30, 1994
The Top 15 Obscure Campus Library Rules
- Photocopying of body parts is strictly prohibited unless accompanied by a spotter.
- All off-campus visitors subjected to body cavity search upon leaving.
- One millionth visitor receives lifetime supply of Turtle Wax.
- $3.00 cover charge, 2 drink minimum.
- Use a Canadian coin in the copy machine, get a bonus copy!
- 1st Tuesday of each month – “Find the Hidden $100 Bill Day!”
- One shot of Jack Daniels for every day book is returned late.
- Sink a book in the return bin from 50 ft., win a thousand bucks.
- Must submit to drug test for presence of library paste.
- Overdue book fees: 5 cents per day or 3 strokes with a ratan cane — your choice!
- Wedgies if you forget to whisper.
- If you find a dead guy, your tuition’s free!!!
- No Shoes, No Shirt, No Books!
- Until further notice, all golf magazines will be forwarded directly to Mr. Simpson c/o the L.A. County Jail.
And the Number 1 Obscure Campus Library Rule…
- Time spent sleeping at your carrel actually earns you academic credit.
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CREDITS
Selected from 90 submissions from 23 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Susan Shook, San Francisco, CA – 1 (Rookie!)
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD – 2, 14, 15
- Marshal Perlman, Palm Bay, FL – 3
- Ward Bahner, Kansas City, MO – 4, 6
- Edward Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA – 5
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC – 6
- Don Findlay, Mt. Vernon, IA – 6, 15 (Rookie!)
- Sue Heim, San Diego, CA – 7
- Gail Celio, E. Lansing, MI – 8
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA – 9
- Joseph Funk, San Francisco, CA – 10
- Larry Baum, San Diego, CA – 11, 13
- Roger P. Ciotti, Kenosha, WI – 12
- Aaron Milenski, Oberlin, OH – 13, 15
- David Pilkington, Lake Forest, IL – 14, 15
- Lemon Rinaldi, San Francisco, CA – 15
- LeMel Hebert-Williams, Alameda, CA – APB sent out.
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