The list for June 28, 1994
The Top 15 Excuses Used by the Tobacco Industry
- Maybe Jim Bob wasn’t quite ready for that promotion to Head Chemist, after all.
- Joe Camel provides jobs for otherwise unemployed cartoonists.
- Mistook vat of nicotine additives for pesticides.
- Hey, now wait just a darn minute! Some people *like* kissing ashtrays!
- Was that 2 or 3 suitcases full of money for you, Senator?
- We got your smoking-related fatalities right here!
- We’re merely raising the national IQ, via natural selection.
- Huge profits compensate nicely for feelings of guilt and legal costs.
- The Marlboro Man looks healthy, don’t he?
- Hey, if Shannon Dougherty smokes, how bad could it possibly be?
- Smoker’s condom nearly perfected.
- No cholesterol, no saturated fat, no salt — these things are healthy!
- Don’t blame us, blame those Bic lighter guys.
- Wimpy laboratory mice get cancer from damn near *everything.*
And the Number 1 Excuse Used by the Tobacco Industry…
- It’s all O.J.’s fault!
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CREDITS
Today’s list authors were:
- Jim Louderback, San Francisco, CA – 1
- Don Horton, Sacramento, CA – 2, 9
- Scott Bolton, Schaumburg, IL – 3 (Rookie!)
- Larry Baum, San Diego, CA – 4 (Rookie!)
- Bo Williams, Huntsville, AL – 4
- Ken Shinodo, Keizer, OR – 5
- Chris Willis, Boston, MA – 6
- Burt Paulson, Marysville, WA – 7 (Rookie!)
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN – 8, Topic
- Roger P. Ciotti, Kenosha, WI – 10
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA – 11 (Rookie!)
- Ken Wilson, Kansas City, MO – 12
- Dave Pilkington, Lake Forest, IL – 13
- Jeffrey T. Johnson, Daly City, CA – 14
- Sharon Yonkers, Clarksville, TN – 15
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