The list for October 30, 2013
The Top 13 Celebrity Treats
for Trick or Treaters
for Trick or Treaters
- Lance Armstrong: syringes and pill bottles "that somebody left at my house"
- Ruth Madoff: appears to place candy bar in bag while actually removing two
- Dick Cheney: one of his old hearts
- Adam Sandler: a movie theater gift certificate and a heartfelt letter of apology for "Jack and Jill"
- Tim Burton: a chance to star in his next f#%ked-up catharsis of a movie (for Johnny Depp only)
- Governor Chris Christie: a nice supply of empty candy wrappers and an apology
- Snoop Lion: a dime bag, a large bag of Doritos and… and… what was the question?
- Tim Gunn: a scathing critique of your Halloween costume, gratis
- David Ortiz: stubble from his teammates’ beards if they don’t win this damn World Series
- Paula Dean: buttered apologies with buttered tears
- Dolly Parton: Mounds
- Clay Aiken: an excuse to say hi, shake your hand and insist that, yes, he’s still a celebrity
And the Number 1 Celebrity Treat for Trick or Treaters…
- Kathleen Sebelius: a voucher to come back in a month for a real treat
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CREDITS
Selected from 80 submissions from 28 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 1 (39th #1)
- Jay Shuck, Minneapolis, MN — 2
- Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 3
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — 4
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA — 5
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 6, 12
- Nathan C. Sherman, Bellevue, WA — 7
- Judith Cottrill, Bronx, NY — 8
- Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID — 9
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA — 10
- Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX — 11, Topic, list moderator
- John J. Brassil, Nashville, TN — 13
- Chris White, Olympia, WA — List owner/editor
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